A Tiger’s Heart

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My newest book: A Tiger’s Heart: A Book of Poetry is now live on Amazon for sale in ebook and paperback. The link is: https://amzn.to/2LkkUXt.
In your hands, you hold over 30 years of my poetry. These poems were born out of joy, pain, love, agony, lust and anger. They begin when I was a very young girl, and span into adulthood, marriage, divorce and motherhood.

I invite you to share in the passion that has ruled my untamed heart for many years.

To read more poetry by me, click here.

Found Poem

A Southern Afternoon

Lady Lust

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Embracing Life and My Girls

http://www.countdowntofreedom.net/2017/03/embracing-life-and-my-girls.html
Ladies Wine Parties

I was a very early bloomer. I developed while in middle school, and became acutely aware of my body and the differences between mine and my peers. Owing to some upheaval with my parents marriages, divorces and remarriages when I was young, we moved around many times. I attended 10 schools before I reached high school. Due to this, I learned to keep my mouth shut and be very observant. When you are the perpetual “new kid,” you are never quite part of the crowd. My sophistication and reserve made me feel (and be treated by adults as though) I were much older than my years.

Since reaching my 40s, I finally feel as though I have caught up to my actual age. I feel as if I can stretch the arms of my spirit into my body, and take full possession of it. I feel strong, capable, confident. I do not worry about the opinions or fears that cause others to pause when I step forward. It is an intoxicating feeling, at times.

I embrace the friendships of other women in a way that we are conditioned against when we are young. Women learn to be jealous of one another, and tear each other down, rather than embracing the strength and wisdom of our collective years. I have found most women are just aching for a connection, a friendship, a place where they can drop all pretense and not fear judgment.

It is in such a space and desire that I created the Ladies Wine Party. It is a monthly group of women who meet at a hostesses home from 5-8pm on the first Friday of the month. Each lady brings the libation of her choice, and a small dish. The only rules are no men, no kids, and no selling. The ladies that have been involved in this have discovered a safe place for fun, with no agenda – just the opportunity to bond with other ladies. The ladies that come to these parties are often shocked that they feel so at ease and welcomed.

I did not intend this post to be about the wine parties. I suppose that I just wanted to express how good middle age feels. Embrace your girlfriends and start your own gatherings. I promise, it is worth it!
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Feeling Fear

My younger sister, Heather and I in Salt Lake City, UT, appx 1982

When I was about six years old, I went camping with my mother. We lived in Salt Lake City, Utah. As my mom was building a campfire and setting up the tent, I began climbing the mountain.

My mom told me not to go further than I could see the campfire. I was concentrating so much on climbing, that by the time I looked back, all I could see ware trees behind me. I was not afraid, though. I could see how close I was to the top of the mountain, and I could not turn back. I kept climbing.

Eventually, I heard someone behind me. It was my mother’s boyfriend. He told me that she was panicking, and that we had to get back. I was so excited about being so close to the top, that I convinced him to go with me to the end. We made it to the top, and then descended back to the camp.

When we arrived, I remember it being about 9:00 pm. My mother had collected park rangers, fire fighters, and goodness only knows who else. I know she had been terrified, but all I felt was a great sense of accomplishment.
That was almost 40 years ago, and yet I still remember it. I realized then, that I do not tend to feel fear about challenges. I think part of it is because my parents always made me feel loved and secure. I was always told that I could do would be whatever I want in life.

“No matter how strong I am, I am constantly reminded that I am not a man.” 

The problem is, I am a woman. No matter how strong I am, I am constantly reminded that I am not a man. This has caused me no end of drama over the years. So many relationships have dissolved because I just wasn’t a good listener, wasn’t passive enough, wasn’t obedient enough, was too stubborn. I just couldn’t take a backseat while my partner led us down the road that I did not agree with. I have spent many nights lamenting this fire in my soul that just will not give up.

Yet, I think of this time and again, when I see people that are stuck. It could be a bad relationship, a stifling job, or an unrealized dream. I can clearly see the steps that they can take to rectify the problems they are complaining about, but are unwilling to take. Fear can have devastating consequences, but for some reason, people would rather cling to the evil they know, then the uncertainty of the alternative. 

At this age, I find that I consider things more than I once did. I feel the slight trepidation when I climb a ladder. I may reconsider following a dark road. I look around a bit more when I am walking to my car. These are exercises that I used to find silly, but the realization that I know that some boogymen are real grants me a bit more natural caution. I tend to feel betrayed by this fear, though. I feel betrayed like I do about my eyesight that is beginning to falter, ever so slightly. I begin to have the barest sympathy for my elders, as I realize that I, too, may find myself fearful one day.

One day, maybe, but not today!

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Feeling Rudderless

They say that home is where the heart is. I have recently chosen to be homeless.

I suppose that isn’t exactly what I am. I live in a 5th wheel trailer, and have been able to move to a beautiful new location in the tropics. During this transition, though, I am moving back and forth between cities. It is difficult to accept my new location, because I am not finished in my old home.

I feel restless and unsettled. I cannot take my pup with me as I travel back and forth. My children are in different cities. My man is in my new location. My friends are in my old locations. My loyalties are torn.

I suppose it is because I wasn’t quite ready to make the change. That isn’t to say that I am unhappy with recent developments. On the contrary, I am thrilled that I am able to move into an area that I have wanted to be for many years. It is just that I have so many loose ends to tie up. I have been living in two cities, and I see it continuing for some time.

As I am writing this, I do recognize that the reason for this is because my mind has not yet accepted my new reality. I do understand that I am continuing this because I am not yet ready to walk away. I wish that I was, because it would make this so much simpler. I suspect that I will mosey down this path until continuing this situation becomes silly.
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I wonder if part of my reluctance to move on is due to the fact that it is my lover’s choice instead of mine. Our timetables were off a bit. I feel like I needed another year or two before moving on. This was so sudden and abrupt, that I had not had time to transition.

As we were driving around earlier today, I was trying to remember what I felt like when I first moved to SWFL from Charleston, SC. The difference was that I had been ready to leave Charleston. I planned it. I directed it. I made it happen. When I got to SWFL, I was eager and excited for a new opportunity. Now, though, I just feel like I didn’t have enough time. I have business to wrap up. I have friends that I don’t want to leave. I have a daughter that is in the process of growing up, and she is choosing not to join me in my new location. It is difficult for me to reconcile.

I know that I will make new friends. I know my old friends will remain in my life. I know that I will begin a new business. I know that I will be okay. I even know that I struggle because of my own internal conflict, and that I can resolve it in time. I don’t know what it will take to resolve it, but I know that I will recognize it when it is time. Until then, I will just plug along, half in, and half out.

Click Here for Related Stories


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Simple Ingredients, Limited Prep, and No Baking 
eBook $2.99 on Amazon http://amzn.to/2tk7bcW
What can I eat on the Keto Diet? Is my favorite food ok? Will I have to buy weird ingredients? This book is meant to give you a very brief overview of the Keto Diet, the process that happens to your body, and a week’s worth of simple meal plans to get your started. Each meal plan is chosen for its simplicity, limited preparation, and no baking!

Lose 25 Pounds in a Month
My Journey on the Keto Diet & Road Map for You 
eBook $3.99 & Paperback $5.99 on Amazon http://amzn.to/2saAOxw
You are ready to transform your body into the person you always knew you could be. You are done with excuses, and are ready to start your weight loss journey. You are ready to take control and you are grabbing the tools for your metamorphosis. Come! Learn! Lose up to 25 pounds in a month using the Keto Diet.


How To Massage Your Lover: 
Create greater intimacy and deeper bonds with your Spouse, Lover, or Partner with the loving touch of massage.
eBook $4.50 & Paperback $8.99 on Amazon http://amzn.to/2reYhZZ

Create deeper intimacy and bonding between you and your partner through the loving touch of massage. You will learn how to perform an hour long, full body massage just like the professionals.

All Things Come In Time

Yesterday, my partner and I, with grudging help from my daughter, moved my office from the suite that had been the bane of my existence for the past year, into a new, spacious office with a window that looks out onto a nature preserve. I am surprised that my man actually didn’t murder me, since by the end of the night, our nerves were frayed. Somehow, we managed to get it completely done, and I was able to prepare my room for business.

It will, no doubt, take me months to get my office just the way I want it, but I don’t mind. The hardest part was trying to incorporate 5 rooms of decorations and supplies into one large room. I donated, stored, and hid what I could. My car looks like it belongs to a homeless person, since I have things piled inside. I guess there won’t be any reason to lower the convertible top for a bit. 
The thing is, I can breathe now. I have finally moved from my house, and moved from my large office, and things are falling into place. I finally feel as if I have a handle on my life for the first time in a very long time. With every decision I make, the next step becomes clear. I have finally positioned myself to climb out of the crater I dug for myself. 
I just came in from outside. Our RV backs up to a large lake, and it is filled with ducks and turtles. As I was sitting on a log, enjoying the sunset, a turtle was peeking up at me from the water. I called to Adam to bring me some bread, and we fed the ducks and turtles together. I can actually feel my stress melting away. I wonder why I allowed myself to get so deep before I stopped. I need some time to just be alone with my thoughts and ponder my motivations. 

I am also 3 days into the Atkins diet. I have attained the Holy Grail of ketosis, and have already shed a few pounds. I do not know the exact figure, because I stopped weighing myself months ago. I can tell you that I lost 1.1 lbs overnight, and I know I was down before. I feel lighter and better in my clothes already. The occasional lure of Pinot Grigio whispers to me, but I have been able to quash the urge. Adam just called me to see if I wanted some Thin Mints that the Girl Scouts were selling at the store, and I replied with a resounding NO. You see, during the past few years of chaos and stress, my cortisol levels have been insanely high. Now that I have been able to rein in the craziness, I do not feel the siren call of wine and comfort food like I did. It has taken me years to put on this weight, so I can’t expect any sudden miracles, but it is always gratifying to see the weight slip off when you give up carbs. 

Finally, I can just breathe again. I am striving to limit my encounters with people who bring me stress. As I am able to get on a more stable financial footing again, I look forward to traveling. Adam has already decided on the Everglades first, but I’d like to explore further North. One day at a time, one step at a time, all things come in time. 

Click Here for Related Stories

#Atkins Diet
These are from a series of videos I did in 2016 about my #weightloss with the #Atkins #LowCarb #Diet. I thought it would be a good idea to integrate them into my blog on my #Health & #WeightLoss page. Hope you enjoy!

Weight Loss and Body Image
Don’t Cut the Cheese!
I Refuse To Burnout!
7 lbs Gone in 5 Days!
All Things Come In Time
It’s My Time!
Day 10 of Atkins Diet 
Peace At Last
Atkins Diet week 3; Melting Weight Loss
Atkins Diet, week 3! Loving the Weight Loss!!!
Week 4 and Incredible 19 lbs lost on Atkins!
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Easy 7 Day Keto Meal Plan: 
Simple Ingredients, Limited Prep, and No Baking 
eBook $2.99 on Amazon http://amzn.to/2tk7bcW
What can I eat on the Keto Diet? Is my favorite food ok? Will I have to buy weird ingredients? This book is meant to give you a very brief overview of the Keto Diet, the process that happens to your body, and a week’s worth of simple meal plans to get your started. Each meal plan is chosen for its simplicity, limited preparation, and no baking!

Lose 25 Pounds in a Month
My Journey on the Keto Diet & Road Map for You 
eBook $3.99 & Paperback $5.99 on Amazon http://amzn.to/2saAOxw
You are ready to transform your body into the person you always knew you could be. You are done with excuses, and are ready to start your weight loss journey. You are ready to take control and you are grabbing the tools for your metamorphosis. Come! Learn! Lose up to 25 pounds in a month using the Keto Diet.


How To Massage Your Lover: 
Create greater intimacy and deeper bonds with your Spouse, Lover, or Partner with the loving touch of massage.
eBook $4.50 & Paperback $8.99 on Amazon http://amzn.to/2reYhZZ

Create deeper intimacy and bonding between you and your partner through the loving touch of massage. You will learn how to perform an hour long, full body massage just like the professionals.

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